I was raised to be a gold-medal-level people pleaser, Reader.
Olympic-tier.
Truly elite.
I in my 20s dominating an Acts of Service Pentathlon
For those of you who are not familiar, here’s a quick demo of the discipline:
Q: Do you want a coffee? A: Are you already making one for yourself? Because if not, no problem, I’ll just quietly dehydrate.
Q: What do you prefer? A: I have no preferences. Happy to go with what you prefer. I am easy, I don't really have needs anyway.
Q: Can you do this thing for me? A: YES OF COURSE! (Only to be in full-body regret spiral 5 minutes later)
I thought I was being kind.
But that kindness didn’t always include... me.
As a leader first and business owner later, I had to learn to set strong boundaries or the whole being-a-servant-leader thing would quickly fall apart.
I had to learn:
✨ People pleasing does not scale. ✨ It is not sustainable. ✨ It’s not actually helpful for anyone involved because it only generates frustration 🚨
Sometimes, I still catch myself auto-piloting to those old patterns, especially with family.
So my cousin and I came up with...
The Pleasing Jar™
(not yet trademarked, but please remember where you read about it first)
The rules: every time we say or do something that screams classic people pleaser, we drop £1 in the jar.
If you’ve ever seen New Girl, you might recognize Schmidt’s “Douchebag Jar.”
Same energy.
It’s a mix of:
💡 Accountability in paying attention
⭕ Common humanity (it's nothing personal, we're in this together)
😂 Humour therapy
🌴 Luxury vacation fund
By the end of the year, we’ll either be very emotionally evolved or on a beach sipping piña coladas together with our boundary issues.
Either way, we win.
Are you familiar with people-pleasing behaviours?
How does it show up for you at home and work?
And what classic habits would you toss a coin in for?
Connect with like-minded peers, get inspiration on how to apply the theory to integrate mindfulness into daily work life, and get the support you need to take your next step.
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